


Blind

by DenDenMonMon



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Don't say I didn't warn you, M/M, everybody sees it but them, just two idiots in love, mainly Alaska Trixie and Katya tho, the other queens have like two lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 02:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20074474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenDenMonMon/pseuds/DenDenMonMon
Summary: Plot twist: Alaska is the one that can see Katya from her backyard.





	Blind

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost I want to clarify that characterization is EXTREMELY important to me, and, even when the idea came to my mind some time ago, I didn’t even start writing the story until I did my proper research. I wrote and re-wrote this so many times, trying to make the characters as close to real as possible, and I’m not even sure if I got them right. Nonetheless, this is a Trixya fic, so that’s where my main focus is going to be. No disrespect to any of the queens, especially Miss Alaska. Hopefully she’s not so OOC that you guys will want to burn me alive.  
Massive thank you to everybody who helped make this story even postable. They are the true heroes.  
Enjoy!

**Blind**

“No, those go over there! Ohmygod!”

Alaska runs a hand across his forehead, exasperated. Why is he even allowing people to help him? It’s not so hard to organize a simple party, he has done it before just fine. He shouldn’t be running around the place, so late in the day, making sure the house looks good. 

There’s still so much food to get ready, and he hasn’t even started cooking. Everything should be set to receive the Drag Race girls that will be visiting his place tonight. He has organized the reunion so they can watch the finale of the current season. As far as he knows, nobody is watching anymore. Sure, they are all working and touring and whatnot, and not all of them were super obsessed fans right from the start like he’s always been, but they could at least support the show that–

_Oh, no! That goes in the dining room!_

It takes him the entire day but, by some point in the afternoon, when people start to arrive, the place looks somewhat presentable.

The first one to walk through the door is Bianca, all smiles and big teeth. 

“Hieeeeeee!”

“Hello, Lasky!”

Alaska studies him shamelessly. He’s wearing jeans, a simple black t-shirt but a bright purple suit jacket on top. “Ooh, I like it!” Alaska decides out loud as he runs his fingers on the lapel. “I mean, it’s not animal print, but I like the color.”

Bianca laughs as he pulls him into a hug. “Of course you do, you stupid whore. This cost more than your entire house...” Alaska is sure his insult is supposed to be much longer but, as Bianca looks around the empty living room, his thought process stops. “Wait. I’m the first one here? Oh, no. I gotta get out of here.”

It’s betweens laughs and giggles that Alaska stops him from turning around, his mood already getting lighter. “No, no, no. You have to stay!”

They sit in the living room and Bianca tells him all about the Australian leg of his tour; shares stories of dirty dressing rooms, and crowds that would eat up anything he would feed them. Alaska can actually feel the excitement and happiness exuding the man sitting next to him. Something warm fills him as he listens to the beautiful adventures of one of the most successful drag queens to this day, who happens to be a close friend. Bianca is having the time of his life, traveling the world and taking advantage of the amazing platform that the show gave him. This is what drag should be all about. It should bring people happiness and make them enjoy life just as much as Bianca is doing right now.

The conversation has moved on to Alaska’s new album when the doorbell rings again. He opens the door to a lesbian Courtney in all her glory. She is wearing boy’s clothes but her face is fully painted and she is sporting a high ponytail. 

One by one, and with only a few minutes between them, is that his friends start arriving. Alyssa is all legs in a tiny pair of shorts, he barrels in, rearranging the furniture that Alaska spent the entire day putting into place. Willam gets there and immediately takes over the kitchen, making sure the snacks are just the way he likes them. As soon as Adore crosses the door, he jumps to sit with Bianca, saying how much he’s missed his dad. Ginger brings his husband, surprising absolutely nobody. Kim Chi arrives alone, though, which prompts Alaska to ask him about Trixie.

“I thought you were coming together.” His statement comes out more like a question.

Kim shrugs as he drops a box of pastries on the coffee table. “He wanted to make sure the other Brian came, so he went to pick him up.”

The show hasn’t started yet. Nobody is paying attention to the TV as the queens start to loudly talk over one another, sharing stories and simply catching up after so long without seeing each other. As he chats away with the group, Alaska welcomes with gratitude the smile that takes residency on his face. He loves it, every second of it. His living room is filled with laughter and he’s letting the moment envelope him whole. He had really missed his friends and having most of them finally reunited after so long feels like a dream.

“How dare you start this party without me?!” 

All eyes shoot up at the sound of the familiar moaning. Right after the anything but graceful words of greeting, there’s a loud scream that can only mean _Tracy Martel_ is in the house. The wheezing sound that follows simply confirms that the duo is completed. Without failure, Trixie and Katya walk in holding hands.

If the place had been fun before, now it’s completely pulsing with life. 

The loud laughter that Trixie and Katya add to the mix is gladly welcomed by everybody. The sounds are piercing and annoying, and Alaska can’t help but hate to love them. His relationship with each of them is significantly different. He loves both Trixie and Katya a great deal individually; but when they are together, it’s as if a new side of them comes out and lights up the entire room. By themselves they are both amazing people, helpful friends, and incredible artists; as a duo, they are nothing but light. Just like now, they arrive and are injecting joy into the little reunion right away. 

Alaska observes how they go around greeting people, giving hugs and kissing cheeks, but never letting go of each other’s hands. They sit close together on a couch and it’s impossible not to get a smile on his face at their interactions. He loses himself in their antics and, even when he is supposed to be paying attention, soon he has no idea where the conversation around him is going. It takes a moment for him to reconnect to the reality of the chatting happening around him.

“Yeah, I’m still sleeping on that mattress.” Courtney pops a piece of brownie in her mouth as she shrugs. “Shit happens.”

“Oh, bitch!” Katya exclaims. “I shitted all over the bed!” There’s something almost _kinda_ sounding like pride in his voice. His hand lands on Trixie’s knee, and squeezes hard as the memories come back to him. “That medicine was rotted. That whole situation was so disgusting. You suck one dick in P-town and it’s suddenly STD-land.”

Trixie’s high pitch scream of a laugh is heard right after. “I told you! You just wouldn’t believe it.”

One of Katya’s teen girl voices takes over and his hand brushes imaginary hair off his shoulder. “Why don’t you ever allow me to make my own mistakes? _Ugh_, you never let me be my true self.”

The whole group burst out laughing. It takes them a few seconds to calm down but, once they do, almost as if on cue, they hear the voice of RuPaul coming from the speakers of the sound system. The chairs they’ve pulled from the dining room, and the few couches in the living room, are enough for all the guests to comfortably take a seat as the show starts. 

“This better be good,” Bianca warns as his arms cross on top of his chest.

Adore slaps him on the arm playfully. “Shut up, man. You are gonna love it!”

Michelle Visage’s voice travels through time and space and welcomes them to the show. Everyone in the living room goes quiet. Alaska makes sure to move and take the seat next to Trixie. He needs by his side someone that has for sure being watching the show.

Alyssa criticizes the dance intro, complaining about the lack of technicality and how the queens of this season seem to have no sense of rhythm. Alaska has to laugh with a tiny roll of his eyes. 

_The girl has only watched this one episode and is already making assumptions._

As if everybody has decided to take on their area of expertise, Courtney right away judges the wigs and Kim Chi points out all the flaws on the girls’ makeup. Alaska just can’t keep his mouth shut when they wear such horrible nails!

Three by three the eliminated queens get to see their highlights of the season. They answer questions from the public and share not so hidden situations that took place behind the scenes. Except for Ginger’s husband, everybody else in Alaska’s living room has gone through that process; they know what really happened, what was most likely produced, and which storylines were forced for the sake of the show. Maybe that’s the reason why, as the audience gasps at the revelation of a secret, nobody reacts on this side of the screen. The queens only partially watch the show, too busy talking about the challenges and how different they were on other seasons. They comment on the outfits and condemn the most horrible garments to ever walk the main stage. The quick recap they get to see of the season is not enough for all of them to fully understand why the top three actually deserve to be there. Ru’s decisions are questioned as the eliminations are presented to them.

When they reach a particular lipsync, between two of the fan favorites, Trixie softly whispers. “You know, I thought she was gonna stay,” he says without really looking at Alaska, but his head tilts in his direction. One of his hands rests on the back of the couch, his arm almost around Katya’s shoulders. The other hand is on top of his crossed leg, which Alaska has noticed Katya squeezes whenever there is something exciting happening on the screen.

Alaska forces his eyes to move up from the touching hands to see the side of Trixie’s face. “I know!” He purposely drawls his last word for emphasis. “She didn’t deserve to go that night. I like that dress, a lot. I liked the mix of colors and textures. The outfit was amazing. When she wore that yellow dress, though. Girl, that was enough reason to fucking ban her from the entire show.”

Trixie’s laugh is short but loud, directing a few stares their direction. “But she killed the lipsync, though.” He points a finger to the screen just as the queen they are talking about drops into a split and starts bouncing on the floor.

“Oh, c’mon,” Katya suddenly butts in. “You call that a killer lipsync? Momma, I’ll show you what it’s like to pound your pussy so hard against the ground the whole Earth moves.”

Just as he’s finishing that sentence he starts going down between the couch and the coffee table. His legs spread slowly and his arms go up in the air as he exaggerates what can only be his attempt to be sexy. Half of his tongue comes out to rest on his parted lips, in a way that has become a signature expression for both Trixie and Katya. Everybody starts cheering and throwing imaginary money as he pauses half of the way down, spreading his legs a bit more then stopping again. He shows how he is always fully in control of his muscles.

“Move on, girlie!” Alyssa is suddenly pushing away the coffee table to stand right next to Katya. “Let me show you what a real split looks like.”

The TV has gone to commercials and all eyes are on the show being put up in the middle of the room. Except for one particular set of eyes. As everybody laughs and screams, fully entertained by both queens, Alaska can’t help but notice how Trixie’s stare is fixated on Katya. It’s like every move is being carefully registered in his brain. More than amusement, there’s something closer to adoration reflecting in his eyes and Alaska suddenly has an idea.

Sure, everybody has joked about their relationship before, how Trixie and Katya are pretty much two halves of the same idiot by this point, or how they resemble an old married couple. They have always brushed it off, laughing at the jokes, going along with them. Never accepting but never denying anything. So tonight, as he has them right here, close and personal, Alaska is going to get to the bottom of this whole ordeal. That is now his mission of the night.

An hour later Ru is giving the sceptre to a girl whose hair is too high to wear a crown. There’s a new member of the drag family; a girl that they don’t know but have to welcome with open arms, almost as true siblings. Alaska watches her go up and down the runway with fake excitement. The true footage, with her real reaction at some bar, will probably be posted tomorrow. A new program starts and the TV loses everybody’s attention. Still, Alaska can’t stop thinking about his duty towards the new sister. He should try to get her number at some point, get to know her, make her feel welcome. He needs to at least check Wikipedia in a couple of days, when it’s updated. But that’s a task for another day, he needs to concentrate on the one at hand tonight.

Katya has his legs across Trixie’s lap by now. His head rests on Ginger’s shoulder as he laughs silently but uncontrollably. That’s probably Alaska’s favorite laugh of his, when he gets so excited that no sound comes out of his mouth. Trixie joins him briefly, three loud and annoying seconds of his signature laughter and he’s back to serious. Nobody is surprised and the conversation continues to a topic that Alaska has lost again.

His eyes can only focus on the way Trixie’s hand goes up and down Katya’s calf, pretty much absentmindedly. His black jeans ride up ever so slightly to the movement but nobody seems to mind. 

“You’ll be the first one to go, you useless cunt!” Bianca’s harsh comment makes Alaska look at him.

Trixie laughs harder, throwing his head back before putting on fake confidence. “What are you talking about? I’m a skinny legend!” His hands land on his hips and his shoulders shimmer, sending everybody into fits of laughter.

Alyssa shakes a finger in the air. “But, you see, you are not a resourceful woman.”

As they all listen to the explanation following that statement, Trixie drops his hand back on Katya’s shin. 

“Don’t touch me,” Katya whispers, it’s quick and sudden, as if Trixie’s palm hadn’t been there for the last ten minutes. 

_It was literally just there!_

Trixie doesn’t say a thing back, though, he simply moves his hand and lets it rest on his own stomach.

“This bitch right here, she would be dead within the first hour.” Trixie pushes his chin in Katya’s direction.

“Plot twist, Momma, I’m already dead.” He points his index finger to Trixie, the tone of his voice matter-of-factly.

The whole room burst out laughing again and Alaska welcomes that warm feeling in his heart one more time. This is the sisterhood he always dreamed about, this is the type of people he wants to surround himself with; smart, talented, funny people who can make fun of each other, rolling with the punches and laughing carelessly from the bottom of their lungs.

Kim rolls his eyes. “Why do you always end up talking about zombie apocalypses?” Even when he’s trying to sound annoyed, there’s no malice in his delivery. Plus, it’s hard to take him seriously when that last word proves to be nearly impossible for him to pronounce.

Trixie sits up straight, thumb pointing to a laughing Katya. “Because this bitch smells like dead already! Makes me wonder if other dead creatures will come and try to collect her.”

“They are gonna think we are hiding their fucking queen bee!” And just as the thought leaves his mouth is when Alaska realizes he has been sucked into his observations for too long. This is so unlike him. Hopefully, nobody else has noticed how quiet he’s been. Hopefully, between Alyssa’s energy filling up the room and Bianca not allowing the conversation to die for even one minute, nobody has noticed how little Alaska has been bringing to their discussions. Hopefully, triggering Trixie to yell ‘honey’ nonstop, with the sole mention of bees, is enough to distract all attention from him.

Ginger turns to Katya, stopping him mid-conversation. “I need a cigarette, care to join me outside?”

Katya nods.

Trixie takes a hold of his arm. “I don’t think you should go.” His tone is severe, leaving no room for discussion.

Nobody is really paying attention to them. Willam is telling a story about a guy whose dick was so small he covered it whole when his hand closed into a fist. Alaska is actively conversing with the rest, but the corner of his eye is focused on the situation evolving on the other side of the couch.

“Don’t let him tell you what to do. You can do whatever you want.”

Trixie huffs under his breath, letting go of the grip he has on Katya’s arm, but doesn’t say anything else. Their stares meet. Their eyes have a full conversation that nobody else in the room is able to understand. Their pupils do all the talking when words are not needed. Trixie finally looks away with the shrug of one shoulder, as if saying the final decision is ultimately Katya’s.

Katya looks at him for a moment longer, pondering his options, before nodding his head dramatically. “Yeah, yeah, you are right. Sorry, Minj.”

The outcome is unacceptable for Ginger. His eyes go blank, showing all the annoyance he is feeling. “You see, darling.” He turns to his husband, placing a hand flat on his thigh. His voice is filled with sarcasm, purposely thick with his southern accent. “Miss Trixie, here, is still a bit upset that I sent her home.”

“I went home because of her, which is different.” Trixie doesn’t even look at him when he speaks, he simply directs his words to the air between them. “I won the–”

He’s about to respond, but Katya wraps his fingers around Trixie’s wrist. 

“Don’t.” The word comes out barely above a whisper, but Alaska manages to hear it, and so does Trixie, which is who matters.

With the tension rising, in full Kim fashion, he looks around almost confused. “When’s dinner?” The air clears to the sound of Kim’s infamous words. Laughter once again fills the room and hostility melts away instantly.

Excusing himself, Alaska makes his way to check on the food. As soon as he enters the kitchen, he notices Trixie is walking right behind him.

“Girl, what was that all about?” Alaska asks while lifting lids on the stove.

Trixie walks to the fridge, taking out a beer from the pack they brought. With a twist of his face, his shoulders shrug, dismissing the subject. “Brian wants to stop smoking. He does really well until Josh comes along. It happens every time.”

“You know…” Alaska turns around as slowly as he lets the words out. “He doesn’t need a savior. He can take care of himself just fine. It may take him some time, but he always manages to figure things out.”

Trixie brings the beer to his lips, doesn’t drink it, though, Alaska can tell as much. The movement seems more like an excuse to hide the true expression on his face. He nods instead, and hums in approval. “Mmm, yeah, I know... But, also, he’s a people pleaser. So if his _best friend_ asks him to go for a smoke–”

He doesn’t intend to, but Alaska can’t help but laugh at his words. “Ooh, sounds like someone’s pressed.” There’s still a small chuckle accompanying his words when he continues. “You can’t _still_ be salty about the whole best friend situation.”

There’s a small huff, an attempt to subtract importance from the subject. “Bitch, of course, no!” Trixie rolls his eyes, pretending to be exasperated. “You should all know by now that’s a lame fucking joke.” Trixie avoids Alaska’s gaze, his eyes roll before they are glued to the bottle in his hands. “I just…” The sentence dies on his lips.

This is a weird sight. Trixie Mattel is never shaky with her speech, but Alaska keeps in mind that he’s talking to Brian Firkus right now. He is talking to a man in his late twenties, wearing glasses and a floral button down shirt; the farthest stretch possible from the Barbie doll fantasy filled with confidence that walks the runways.

“I care about him a lot,” Trixie finally concludes. Then there is a heavy sigh, almost as if he is preparing himself to let the thought out. “I don’t think I have ever cared about anybody the way I do about him. And it’s fucking stupid, because I know they are his friends, but they don’t seem to care enough. Or maybe I just care too much. I just, you know, it’s hard to believe anybody can care about him like I do. Does that make sense?” He seems on the verge of embarrassment at the end of his rambling, but not there yet, that wouldn’t be on brand for him. 

_Brand. The brand. Miss Fame. Where is Fame now?_

Alaska puts down the bowl of salad he’s been tossing since the conversation started, his bony shoulders dropping. “Okay, here’s the deal. Your friendship is the best motherfucking thing in the entire world, is that correct?” 

“Basically, yeah.”

“So what does it matter what anybody else thinks? If Josh wants to believe Brian’s his best friend, fucking let him. Katya is an excellent drag queen, and I look up to her immensely; but Brian is a deliriously amazing human, such a genuinely nice person, and he’s been there for every single one of us when we needed him. He can be everybody’s best friend, but who is _his_ best friend? When things went south for him, he asked everybody to step back, we did, we gave him space. Everybody but you. You stayed there, like, not there-there, ‘cause you still respected him, but you went through the fire with him. We kinda felt… relief, maybe.” The last couple of words come out more as a question, asking himself if they convey his true feelings on the matter. “He kinda, like, freed us from the responsibility, and we just waited for the dust to settle. You fought the fucking fight with him. Nobody can take that away from you.”

Trixie’s eyes look glassy, Alaska is not sure if that’s caused by her words or if it’s just the light hitting the transparent glasses. Since he has said his peace, and hoping that Trixie will understand where he’s coming from, he decides to light up the mood.

“So, if you have an issue with gay Danny DeVito over there, just bring it right to his busted face!”

The unmistakable Trixie screams comes out, it lasts only a second before he whispers a small thank you.

Alaska can see Willam and Katya making their way to the kitchen, most likely wondering why they are taking so long or, less likely, wanting to help. 

_Change the subject, now!_

Without even thinking about it, he goes for a safety net and pretends they are talking about something else.

“She was robbed!” He exaggerates an infuriated growl, causing a laugh from Trixie and a confused look from the men entering the room.

“Why are you talking about me?” Katya quickly asks, his own words causing him to laugh hysterically.

Willam slaps him on the arm playfully. “They are clearly talking about Shangela, right Trix?”

“You fucking cunt,” Trixie replies with a chuckle as everybody else screams with laughter. The subject is put to rest as each of them grab something from the counter and take it to the dinner table.

It’s a pleasant scene they walk into, the seats around the table are almost completely filled and people chat amicably. Alaska stays a couple of steps behind, basket of bread in hand, and scans the room carefully. The only word that comes to his mind is: grateful. He could be feeling a lot of things at the moment, but the strongest of them all is an enormous sense of gratitude. He’s happy for the smallest of things that had to fall into place for him to be standing right here, right now. He’s thankful he auditioned for the show as many times as he needed to, for the amazing people he got to meet, for every mistake and every lesson. Most of all, he’s glad he stopped doing fucking coke. A sigh physically leaves his body as he, once again, allows into his mind all that he lost during those years. He wouldn’t have been able to enjoy simple gatherings like this one if he had still followed that dangerous path of self destruction.

Now, as he admires the smiles on his friends’ faces, lit by the soft yellow light above them, he understands that everything he had to go through happened for a reason. He can appreciate the beauty of this moment, because he has experienced the exact opposite. And that’s a place he doesn’t wish to go back to, ever.

“Okay, bitches, be quiet,” he addresses the room, pulling the chair at the head of the table. He blinks slowly a couple of times before he starts his speech. “Ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary people, and everyone in between, I want to thank you all for coming, for making time in your ass tight schedules.” There’s a round of laughter following his words. “Before I get all emotional, and in touch with the feelings I don’t have–”

“Not since the accident,” Katya interrupts from his seat at the other end.

The chuckles subside after a couple of seconds, allowing Alaska to continue. He shares a couple of stories of how things used to be and notes how much they have grown up and grown closer together with the passing of time. After a few jokes, anecdotes, and heartfelt thank yous, he invites his guests to start their meal.

“And if you are wondering what’s the soup of the day… it’s Vivienne Pinay!”

It is in cheerful laughter that people start serving themselves, filling their plates with the available food at the center of the long table. 

Alaska takes his seat. His plans for the night didn’t include a seating arrangement. He has Bianca on one side and Courtney on the other. Several people separate him from the couple he’s supposed to keep an eye on, the same couple that inevitably has sat together on the other end of the table. He observes them from afar. Trixie talks to Willam, meanwhile, Katya takes the bowl directly in front of him and places some salad on both his plate and Trixie’s. As soon as he’s done, and without stopping the conversation, Trixie takes the ice cubes out of his lemonade and puts them in Katya’s glass. The moves seem almost automatic, like a well rehearsed dance. They don’t really need to think about them.

During his observations, Alaska is halfheartedly listening to the conversation happening around him, which has now moved on to politics. The topic alone is enough to remove his attention from the couple now fighting over a baby carrot, and focus completely on the matter at hand. He’s commenting here and there as he chews on romaine lettuce, and it isn’t until Adore starts sharing the story of a friend that he gets fired up.

“She was fucking attacked, man,” Adore says as he waves his fork in the air. “Right there in the middle of the street. How fucked up is that?”

Those words are enough of a trigger for Alaska.

“I just don’t get it! Like, how can you be so fucking mad at someone just because you don’t understand them?” A part of him knows his taking it too far, but he can’t help but feel so strongly about it. “Just because someone is different from you, they don’t deserve your respect? It’s such a waste of energy to be pissed off at, like, nothing. Fucking exhausting!”

Alaska’s rant ends with a push of his plate. He’s suddenly not hungry anymore.

“Aren’t you doing the same thing, though?” Courtney offers casually, her lips wrapping around the rim of the glass in her hand for a moment. “You are wasting your energy being mad at the haters. There really is not much of a difference.” 

_Is she even serious?_

The condescendant twist of her lips is what does it. Alaska doesn’t want to be part of that conversation anymore. Instead of firing back, he gets up, bringing his glass with him, and walks to sit on the end of the table. The vibe is completely different on this side. Everybody is laughing and the atmosphere isn’t charged with political statements. 

“I just don’t see the point of it.” Katya groans frustrated. “It really is pointless.”

Trixie looks at him, as if he couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s the most basic human thing. It’s, like, essential to your well-being.”

Katya’s fork picks up a few stranded peas and he drops them on Trixie’s plate before continuing. “I just don’t see what’s so good about sleeping. It’s, I don’t know, this amount of hours that you just... lose! There are so many things I could be doing with my life but, no, my body must go into - into airplane mode and do - not even its most basic functions. I’m just lying there, doing nothing. The only use I see for it, is to practice for when you are dead. There is no other reason, really. Like, get, umm, you know, get your body used to being, like, dead.” His hands go all over the place as he’s talking, trying to explain what he can’t fully put into words. He seems almost apologetic, but the people around him simply chuckle at his rambling that is so unmistakably Katya. “Oh, my god. I could go on and on about this.” 

“You did,” Trixie says between small laughs. “You literally just did.”

The wheezing noises leaving Katya are enough to have them all laughing hysterically right along with him. He pushes Trixie slightly, who doesn’t seem to mind at all.

“Shut up, you dumb bitch. Just because you sleep like a bear–”

“A bear?!” Trixie interrupts him in surprise. “Are you calling me a bear? Is that a read?”

Katya laughs for just a second before pretending to be shocked. “Read? I don’t like to read. I actually don’t know how to read. I’m illiterate and I’m cool with that.”

“Oh my God!” Alaska can’t help but finally intervene, drawling the last word as he waits for the people around him to calm back down. “It feels like I’m watching one of your fucking YouTube episodes. Do you ever, like, turn that shit off?”

The pair looks at each other, their eyes are glued to the other’s, and they mirror silly smiles as they let a slow but firm _no_ leave their mouths at the same time.

“It’s like they share one brain,” Willam agrees. “Is there anything else you have shared?” The sexual connotation is evident, which pretty much is expected every time Willam opens his mouth to speak. “Cause you know, Kats and I have shared some… well, we have given some head together.”

“Yep, yep. Yep, we have.”

Trixie’s jaw is somewhere near the floor after hearing that last statement. This is not the facade he puts for the show, and this is not his exaggeration of a simple emotion either. He is fully and completely surprised by what he just heard. The wheels in his head are visibly turning, as he tries to rake his brain to make himself remember if he has heard about this before, coming up empty.

“Wait, what?”

Willam grins mischievously. “You never told her about it?”

“No!” Even when Willam’s question had been directed to Katya, Trixie is the one replying.

“I so did,” Katya assures him. “I totally told you. Didn’t I tell you?”

Trixie exhales loudly a couple of times, words getting lost before reaching his lips. “I - I think I woulda remembered the story.”

_This is interesting._

Alaska’s mouth is wide open in amusement. The conversation has taken a rather entertaining turn. “What’s the story? Spill the beans, you bitch!”

A foot taps on Alaska’s chair, he turns around just to see Kim, each of his hands holding plates filled with food to the rim. “You’re on my seat.”

“Girl, can we switch for just a moment? I’m about to hear a nasty story here.”

Kim rolls his eyes but does it anyway, not without mumbling insults under his breath that nobody really seems to catch.

Willam is the one that starts telling what happened, not really trusting Katya with articulating properly and telling the story as it actually was. It was at one of the tours, Katya had taken someone back to the dressing room, which had a wall that didn’t go all the way up to the ceiling. Willam heard them from the other side of the wall, and decided to climb over it and join the fun. The details are extensive and intensive. Willam leaves nothing out about the vulgar encounter.

Suddenly, there’s the loud sound of the legs of a chair scratching against the floor. “Imma pray for y’all tonight,” Alyssa says as he dramatically gets up from his seat. “Your nasty souls need to be touched by the hand of Jesus himself, there’s no other way to save you. I’m sorry. I can’t keep listening to this disgrace anymore.” 

“Yeah, I think I’m done here too.” 

Trixie follows Alyssa and they make their way to the kitchen, empty plates in hand. That doesn’t stop Willam, the story continues for a few more minutes, as if nothing had happened, until the whole tale has been told. Katya’s attention is immediately disconnected, though. His eyes are trying to focus, and his neck is craning so he can get a view of the people that just left, one in particular, Alaska dares to guess. He’s just waiting until the moment that Katya decides to go after them, he clearly wants to, but doesn’t. They all stay there, striking pointless conversation that soon includes everybody else.

Alaska receives praises for his cooking as he goes around the table, picking up everybody’s plates and taking them to the kitchen.

“That’s what I’ve always said,” Alyssa says, placing a hand on Trixie’s shoulder. “You are a person of dignity, and respect, and - and people like you are really hard to find.”

Cleaning the dishes is enough distraction for Alaska. He tunes out of the conversation happening behind him as he drops the food remainings in the trashcan, then puts the plates in the washer. It isn’t until Katya’s voice is heard that his attention refocuses.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Alrighty, then. That’s my cue to leave.” Alyssa walks away with a click of his tongue.

Trying to remain invisible, Alaska pretends to be entertained by the china he’s putting away.

“Are you mad at me?”

Alaska looks up, just in time to catch the reflection of Trixie shrugging one shoulder. The darkness outside allows the light of the kitchen to project everything that’s happening behind Alaska. For a moment, the scene feels almost invasive. He feels like he’s spying on his friends. Especially when Katya takes half a step forward, entering Trixie’s personal space, and placing a hand on his arm. No words are spoken, they just look into each other’s eyes, share soft touches here and there, play with each other’s fingers. It’s intimate. It’s private.

_Leave. Get out._

With the silent excuse of taking the trash out, Alaska can’t stand the closeness anymore and leaves them alone. He exits through the back door, Hefty bag in hand, and pushes it inside the large trash container. It’s too full, he is going to hate rolling that outside in the morning. That’s a problem for future him, though. Current Alaska looks up, and is able to see through the window how Trixie shakes his head. Katya’s hands are all over the place as he clearly tries to explain something, something that Trixie has no intentions of listening to.

Trixie walks to the fridge and takes out another bottle, shaking it in front of him as his index finger points at Katya. What appears to be angry words leave his mouth. Katya doesn’t seem to be intimidated or scared, at all. He takes a hold of Trixie’s hand instead, and puts the bottle down on the counter. He brings Trixie’s hand up to his lips and kisses it. Trixie’s eyes soften instantly. There are no traces of the upset person that had taken over him just seconds ago. The change is remarkable.

It seems like Katya is the one talking now, because Trixie is simply nodding his head from time to time. Occasionally, he will shrug, which Alaska has learned to identify as his way to cover up when something is affecting him. It’s hard to understand what’s going on, but the vibe of the whole situation has clearly switched.

Katya is apparently done talking. He is looking down, his head is hanging low. That’s why he misses when Trixie purses his lips, and is just left there waiting for a kiss. When he gets no response, he taps on Katya’s shoulder to call his attention. It takes him less than a second to meet Trixie’s lips briefly. There’s a hug and small smiles adorn both their faces.

Trixie takes his bottle and walks away, leaving Katya alone in the middle of the kitchen. He sighs heavily, supports his elbows on the counter in front of him, and his head falls on his hands. His fingers massage his temples for a moment. His breathing is physically heavy, Alaska can tell as much from his spot in the backyard. He wonders if he should just walk in and comfort his friend, but he wouldn’t know how to. He has no idea what the fuck just happened inside, he wouldn’t have the right words to help ease Katya’s feelings, whatever those may be. He seems to be almost… sad?

Before Alaska can make up his mind, Katya straightens his back and turns towards the window. Alaska jumps, he basically just got caught spying on his friend; but he remembers nothing but a reflection can be seen from the other side of the glass.

Katya walks outside, his hands digging in his pockets and finding a cigarette.

“Oh, hey!” He looks surprised to find Alaska there, but it lasts for just a moment. 

Maybe it’s because he knows Alaska doesn’t smoke anymore, or maybe because he still has Trixie’s words playing in his brain, either way, Katya doesn’t light the cigarette. He brings it to his lips and simply lets it rest on the corner of his mouth.

“Are you okay?” Alaska asks genuinely concerned. 

“What? Oh. Yeah, sure.” 

The answer comes a little too quick, Alaska is not buying it. He tilts his head to the side, and his arms wrap around his torso, indicating him that he better try again.

“What the fuck just happened in there?” He tries a more direct approach when he still gets no reply from Katya.

“Bitch, I don’t know.” He runs a hand against his bald head in frustration. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Alaska’s eyes roll on their own accord. “You know that’s not true.” A worrying feeling suddenly invades him. “Are you guys okay? Are you fighting?”

Katya looks at him for a second too long, probably deciding if he’s the right person to let it all out to. Maybe he is wondering if he’s ready to let it all out in the first place. Most likely, he is not even sure of what the hell is going on and has no words to phrase the situation properly.

He takes the cigarette away from his mouth, toys with it for a moment, placing it between his fingers, before directing his gaze back to Alaska. “He is so confusing, you know?” There is no need for names, they know who the conversation is about. “Like, he knows I’m a whore. He knows I would literally suck any dick, _any_ dick, even mine if I could reach it!” His hands flail around him, the white stick creating a hypnotizing line following his movements. “Sometimes he sounds, like, I don’t know, maybe, jealous? I don’t even know.”

A light chuckle escapes Alaska’s lips. “Of course he’s jealous!”

“Why would he, though?”

“Uh, maybe ‘cause you are out there sucking any dick but his?” Alaska’s sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Bitch, I’ve tried!”

“Shut up. Not like that.”

Confusion is clear on Katya’s face. “Wha-what you mean?”

“Don’t act so surprised, girl. You know I’m right.” When the confused expression doesn’t leave Katya’s face, Alaska has to, once again, find a better way to touch the subject. “Okay, so, yeah, you know I love you both. Well, I love all of you guys, like, right now, I’m at home, I’m with my family. I am happier now than I have been in my… than I was when I was younger. I owe all of that to you guys. I know this sounds unrelated but I have a point, okay?” 

A small chuckle accompanies his last words but Katya simply nods, allowing him to continue.

“I want you to feel that same amount of happiness. I know you, and I mean you, Brian, or at least I hope I do. I know you only look truly happy when he’s around, when you two are making stupid jokes and finishing each other’s fucked up sentences.”

Now it’s Katya’s turn to laugh softly.

“See, you know I’m right,” Alaska points out with a smile. “You are so guarded and so careful, hardly ever let anybody in. It took you and me to go to fucking drag war together for you to even begin to open up. Things with you and him just… are. It breaks my heart that you are so perfect for each other but have never really acted on it. That’s just… sad.”

This morning, when he was getting his house ready for the viewing - dinner party, Alaska had not planned on having this conversation. He hadn’t even been aware that he had such strong feelings about his two friends until right this moment. Now that he has opened this particular can of worms, he needs to go through with it. Judging by Katya’s reaction, this is a topic that he needs to explore as well. 

With a drop of his shoulders, Katya groans frustrated. “Can I just suck his dick?”

Alaska can’t help but laugh wholeheartedly, the sound coming from the bottom of his lungs. “You could be doing that and so much more, don’t you want more than that?”

He doesn’t reply right away. Katya walks around in circles, unintelligible grunts generating at the back of his throat. “Fuck, I don’t know. I do? Maybe. It’s just… We have so much history. I would kill myself if I did something stupid again. I don’t think I could live with myself if I hurt him even one more time.”

“You are talking as if he didn’t have any saying in all of this. He’s so much stronger than you give him credit for.” Alaska’s words come out slowly, giving Katya time to absorb what he’s trying to say. “Have you talked to him about this? Have you asked him if he’s willing to give it a try?”

The huff that comes out through Katya’s nose is completely unintended. “We did talk about this… ages ago. We decided it was best to keep things as they are. Our friendship works pretty well, why change it?”

“Uh, don’t you wanna change it for something even better?”

“How can you be so sure it will be better, though?” Katya’s index finger points at Alaska, the question coming out almost as a challenge.

“I don’t!” He confesses. “I don’t fucking know; that’s the beauty of it all. You need to just fucking jump, have no expectation, no idea of how things are gonna go, and just, like, do your best and be there, and respond to things as they happen.”

The smile adorning Katya’s face is enough to make Alaska feel proud of himself. He has touched a delicate spot and he knows that, at the very least, he has planted a seed in his mind. Now it’s up to Katya to decide if he leaves it buried there, or if he nurtures it and watches it grow into something beautiful.

“When did you become such an insanely accurate witch psychologist of the heart?”

“I just… like, I used to drive myself crazy, overthinking about everything and then, one day, I decided to, like, stop.” Alaska knows that’s not enough of an explanation, but it’s all he has. “Listen, you and I _specifically_ have been given all these fucking blessings, so many that they defy all logic. One of the very few things we are missing is someone to share them with. There are a lot of toxic fucks out there, and if you manage to find someone who is actually a good person, who is, like, willing to deal with all of this…” his long fingers point at Katya up and down, who takes no offense and laughs instead. “Then why not just go for it?”

The cigarette finally finds it rightful place in the trash can next to them. Katya stares at it for a moment, the jungle of thoughts in his mind visibly becoming untangled.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Just… would you talk to him? Would you bring the idea up and see what happens?”

Katya nods slightly. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try, when the time is right,” he finishes, turning around.

“When the time is right,” Alaska repeats to himself as he watches Katya walk back inside the house.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you.”

He hears Trixie’s voice and shakes his head slightly. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but, hopefully, one day, those two morons will realize just how perfect they are together. For the time being, Alaska will just observe them from afar as they blindly fall even more stupidly in love with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Written:  
June 4th, 2019 - July 26th, 2019


End file.
